Depression Had A Grip On Me Today (Video Inside)
A lot of people have a hard time understanding how up and down life seems when you suffer from depression and anxiety. I woke up crying today, spent two hours in bed, depressed, watching other people happy online. and wishing My life was different.
I dared be open today and speak the truth on Facebook instead of bombarding My timeline with work related things. I dared say that I was unhappy that I was lonely, feeling empty. Quite a few people spoke up, offered advice, seemed to care.
Other than the wife, no one picked up phone to actually show they cared.Thee bestie offered to come "if I needed him", as if the fact that I said i woke up crying and had cried for hours, didn't indicate i needed a friend. i told him to stay home. I saw My son today to give him his allowance, i wanted to hang out and spend time but he said he didn't feel well, yesterday, he blew Me off for a video game.
Spent time with an old friend from church who I slept with for a few months a couple years back, blah. It reminded Me of why i don't spend time with people. We spent hours together, in silence, other than when we spoke about the show we were watching. We have nothing in common, so general conversation does not flow. I'm sure I fell asleep on him for 2-3 hours while we watched t.v.
When he left, I was faced with the fact that always slaps Me in the face, I'm better off alone than trying to hang out with people. Until I meet people I have things in common with for real, I gotta stop trying to pretend that I can relate to the people I already know.
I know that part of My isolation and depression is that I'm afraid to open up and be vulnerable with new people so I cling to people I know are no good for Me. Having such deep and depressing thoughts today led Me to think back to My interview last month with Melvin "Real Talk" Weaver. We discussed how I cope with My life with mental illness and trying to maintain a successful business and build meaningful relationships.
Check out the interview below
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