Am I Bad Parent Just because My Kid is Screwed Up?

I rarely talk about My kid publicly because he never asked to be in the public eye. I started the new site “Stronger Than My Struggles” to chronicle the struggles I go through and yet I still felt the need to write here first. I only have a few minutes before I have to run out the house but I am so frustrated that I feel I should get this out before I leave.

My son has been fighting his own battles for the last three years. He gave up on school, most of his hobbies, his interests and all things positive. He did so bad his 8th grade year, he wasn’t even allowed to walk across the stage for graduation. His 9th grade year, he cut so much he practically failed. he had to attend summer school.

This year he has decided to say fuck it ALL. He is failing all 7 classes, has been all year. he cuts regularly. He was smoking weed but says he has stopped. He lies for sport, I’ve caught him pretending to be on cocaine for attention. He was threatening other people children, he threw condoms on a girl in school.Most recently he decided to tell his therapist he killed small animals for fun.

He cuts himself, says he hears voices. I work SO HARD for this boy to have a stable life, nothing like I had and he throws it all away . Problem is I can’t even tell if he really has problems or if it’s just more of his lies.

I’ve been out of therapy for a few months now and he is pushing Me back. He was in therapy on and off and then consistently for over the last year plus. His new behavior has him in mental health treatment 5 days a week, three hours a day.

On Wednesdays, I have to sit through parenting classes as if I raised him this way. I’ve kept him in therapy, I spend time trying to nurture his interests, I have him in mentoring programs. I’m doing all I can but everyone looks at me like it’s My fault he’s screwed up.

He’ll be 17 this year, I’m afraid they’re going to end up taking him from Me. I often think he is mimicking My problems for attention. It's so hard because mental illness runs in the family. I can't tell if he sick or attentions seeking. I wish his dad spent more time with him.

Damn it felt good to finally say that.


#mentalillness #parenting

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