10 Lessons 2019 Taught Me Summed Up In Memes
There are many people who feel like 2019 took them for a long ride where they had no control of the destination. While 2019 left a lot of us feeling that way, it's also true that we can each look at circumstances we landed in this year and see how our prior activities or in some cases, inactivity, led to a chain of events transpiring.
I feel like I can sum up all the major lessons that I learned this year in 10 memes. Check them out below in no particular order.
It's true you know, as I stated above, while it may seem like 2019 took us for a ride, it was indeed us in the driver's seat. How hard we gripped the wheel and shifted gear versus how much we stayed in cruise control is what really matters when we look back over the year. There will always be obstacles, there may always be adversaries, but there is also our ability to take accountability for how we handle the challenges we face.
It's so easy to blame or mindset or circumstances on what others have done, but that doesn't allow much room for growth. Only when we stop to assess our own behavior and part in each situation, can we truly grow past blame into accountability and constant growth.
This was a huge lesson for Me this year. With God blessing Me so tremendously in the last year and a half, I truly felt that if I didn't give back as much as I could, it would all be snatched away. I was not only out here giving away a lot more money than I kept for Myself but I was constantly draining My energy and sharing My resources with people just because they asked. Many weren't willing to do either the ground work to get it started nor the maintenance work to keep it going. I became overwhelmed trying to give more than I had and couldn't figure out for the life of Me why I was so exhausted.
I had to really sit back and evaluate how I had been attempting to save the world alone and not even properly vetting the people because I was so overwhelmed. All money aint good money, all clients aren't a good fit. Lesson learned.
Therapy is a good thing, in essence, I think therapy saved My life. However, therapy can become a crutch that you lean on as you carry less of the weight of your own accountability. I saw the same therapist for 7.5 years at times, three times a week; at some point, it became less about healing and more about maintaining My day to day stability. For Me, that meant holding Myself back from growing and trying new things a lot because I was so terrified of getting hurt again.
A lot of My boundaries, limits on self and the things I could achieve, came from having My trauma so validated without challenge to grow through it. I spent 7.5 years in therapy talking through My problems and past trauma, living in "woe is Me" land yet not making concrete action and follow through plans. My goals were never specific goals, deadlines were never put in place to be enforced. I basically lived day to day. In 2017, when I walked into My therapist office and she said " I don't take your insurance anymore" is when I started to actually LIVE again.
After therapy, I published My books, became a life coach, started going out in public again and all the great things I do these days. It really took Me until this year to truly understand how much I was holding Myself back by seeking validation of My pain and trauma versus a plan of action to move past it.
I truly used to believe that someone had to do something specifically wrong to Me for Me to distance Myself. Being a long-time abuse victim, I was used to staying even when being hurt. This year I realized that because of social media, a person doesn't have to specifically do or say something to Me to hurt Me. Social media is where people shoot invisible shots at their adversaries, blanketed words and memes that deliver hard hits with a pinch of humor. Social media is where people say horrible things about people, situations and things and then just brush them off like "Oh I wasn't referring to you."
For many of us, social media becomes like a prison. Imagine ending a bad relationship and having to see your family and friends constantly talking to the person who hurt you. This year, I got smart enough to unfriend, unfollow and even block others who are causing Me pain or doing things that are harmful to My mental state.
This statement is real on so many levels. Too often, we overextend ourselves for people who wouldn't stretch their arm out to stop us from falling flat on our face. I can't tell you how many times I've been madly over the moon for a guy and thinking he felt the same way to only find Myself months later, wondering what I had to do to make him treat Me better.
Before my current relationship which started in summer of 2017, I had been single for two years after a brief romance. Prior to the brief romance, I had been single for five years. I don't do desperation and am happy to spend time alone over being hurt. My ex from 2015 has not gone away. In fact, he just called Me two weeks ago. After him, I know I'll never go back to wondering how a guy feels about Me.
I'm happy enjoying My first monogamous relationship. We've been together in a stable relationship for a year now, though we have been seeing each other for two and a half years. The greatest thing about this relationship is how much I trust everything My guy says to Me because I remember when about six months in our relationship I asked if he missed Me, he told Me blatantly "no, but I thought about you." Every step of the way, we've communicated openly, honestly and our relationship has progressed beautifully as we are much in sync. No forcing anything.
I did so much biting of My tongue this year; I am a good person with a good heart. I know a lot of people who have been through similar situations and trauma as I've been through who have not turned out as philanthropic, kind-hearted, or mild-mannered as Myself. My therapist used to constantly tell Me that she didn't have a clue how I turned out so stable when so many who had been through what I had, were addicts or dead.
The fact that I have multiple personalities has probably helped Me do better at maintaining My sanity. There's surely parts of Me that are grateful that I don't hold all the pain and hurt inside, letting it eat Me alive, like others I've encountered. I'm extremely proud, especially this year, that I haven't let the recent hurts on top of a lifetime of hurt, turn Me cold or bitter.
If you had seen how much I resisted going to Mexico in August though I paid nearly $13,000 to go, then you would be shocked to know that I came home from Mexico thankful for the experience.
It took for Me to get hurt in so many ways that I could barely function, for Me to understand that everything I was doing was the wrong thing. God had not asked Me to go out and fix people, nor save them. God had clearly told Me that it was time for Me to share My story, speak of how He had saved and blessed Me and let survivors know that they weren't alone.This is My mission, not to play God and try to be the one they turn to or lean on.
This one hit hard because it's true. I'm the free for all chick. I've always been the type to pull a stranger off the street in out of the cold. I've woken up with strangers in My home because someone else felt comfortable bringing them there, knowing My penchant for helping others. In the last two years, as I've focused on survivors, My life has become some kind of come as you are party. People show up in the worst of situations with less than nothing to give and I welcome them into My world with few questions asked. 2020 has to be the year or limited access, those who belong around Me will have earned their place there. No more honorary spots on the team.
I decided to publish My first book and launch STMS after going to a live event where I felt like the facilitator was ripping people off and getting over on them due to their lack of business acumen. As I've said many times, My goal was to make the knowledge and practices available and affordable for everyone who wanted it. In less than a year, I helped 14 people become published authors, started business and life coaching and developed a series of live events that gave others a stage to share their stories and talents.
It's been a long, strenuous journey trying to uplift groups of people at a time. It took a long time for Me to realize that I can't be the one to do everything for them. They have to come to the table ready to change their lives. I can't change it for them, if I did all the work for them, they would never be able to maintain them in the long run anyway.
2020 I'm not fixing plates. I will teach you how to cook, for a fee, if you're willing to invest the time, energy and funds into yourself just as I did until someone handed Me a bigger plate.
Your Current if need be
This goes for ANYONE who is stressing your life out, you're in the driver's seat. Remember that.
While I typed these in no specific order, this may be the top lesson I learned this year. It's okay to treat people and situations like food, "when in doubt, throw it out." I will not look at people and situations in 2020 as if they don't have a shelf life. Everything has a shelf life and if I'm stressing over it, it's time to create an exit plan.
I hope the lessons that I learned this year can help you a little. Feel free to comment below with some things you've learned in 2019.